Blog #7 - Physical Intimacy and Family Life

     It is very important to know what sexual intimacy is before you get married. When I was engaged my husband and I were talking and I didn't really know what sex was. I felt pretty embarrassed, but growing up my parents never had the talk with me about any of this. Yes, I learned about this in school a lot and it was gross and weird to me so I would zone out when we talked about it. I always heard stories about teen girls getting pregnant and I was always terrified that that would happen to me. This topic always made me uncomfortable and nervous. It is so important though to know what it is and what happens. I learned that women don't usually know much about sex and men know a lot. That is really interesting and I didn't know that. It just depends on the person and if their parents talk to them about it before marriage or learning it in school. It is very important to know what happens and what to do with physical intimacy before marriage.

    Women have bursts of oxytocin which makes her feel closer to her spouse when they make-out or are being intimate. This also happens when women have babies, when they are giving birth oxytocin gets released and they feel closer to the baby than the spouse. Which now makes sense because they were caring the baby for nine months. When they take the baby away you feel like someone is taking them away because oxytocin got released and they just want to be close to your baby. Women have a lot more feelings than men, they feel more safe, close and warm. The man just wants to do it where women want to feel safe, warm and close to the guy. There are different feelings that get released in each person. Sometimes there needs to be some foreplay before it goes further, but other times you go straight to it. Women need a little bit of time of foreplay to happen before they are really turned on. where men are already there. From personal experience that is true and that is not bad at all, sometimes the women just need a little more.

    Another important thing to remember when being physical is to talk to each other. Speak up and tell the other person when something doesn't feel good or you want more of something. Don't hold any of that in and not tell the other person, because that will be bad for the marriage and your sex life. This goes along with if you don't feel like it right now. All of this has happened in my marriage and it is really important to talk to each other and let the other know your feelings. If this doesn't get discussed then you will feel kind of trapped in your physical life. Both of you should want to know what the other person likes and dislikes, it makes physical intimacy even better. You especially don't want to force it or wait to say you don't like something. If you wait too long and finally say you don't like something he does, he will feel like you didn't like it the whole time or you didn't want to hurt his feelings. You also don't want to force it because it won't be good, neither of you will like it and whoever started it will be more into it than the other and you will not feel good.

    If one person is not as comfortable with sex as the other person then have patients. That was my husband and I, I was having a hard time and struggling. Especially because I didn't know much and it made me a little uncomfortable. My husband was very patient with me while I took my time to get more and more comfortable. If you really love the other person and someone is struggling then have patients and you will get there and be very comfortable. When both of you have never done it before it will be different and a little weird, it just takes time and of course patience.